Since we were young, we’ve been placed on teams (sports teams, academic teams, even our classroom desks were grouped together in “team” pods). From an early age, we were expected to work together, but how often were we actually taught how to be good team members?
We were told things like:
- “Be nice.”
- “Do your part.”
- “Listen to each other.”
- “Do your share.”
But what do you do when teamwork isn’t working?
Building bad habits
Building bad habits
I remember my daughters navigating high school group projects. The same patterns showed up again and again:
- Someone wasn’t pulling their weight.
- Deadlines were missed.
- Frustration built.
I would ask: “How is the team handling it?”
Most of the time, the answer was a version of the following:
- “We’re just working around them.”
- “We’ll do their part.”
- “We’ve talked about it… just not with them.”
Rarely did anyone address the issue directly.
Why?
Because it’s uncomfortable.
Lacking trust in workplace teams
Fast forward to the workplace, and not much has changed.
In a recent team session, we were discussing trust as the foundation of strong teams. One comment stood out: “I’ll be more trusting if the other person proves they can be trusted.”
It’s a common belief, and on the surface, it sounds reasonable.
I asked: “What would need to happen for that trust to be earned?”
The conversation that followed made something very clear: Everyone believed the responsibility for trust sat with someone else.
I asked one more question: “If everyone is waiting on someone else, how does trust ever begin to build?”
That question tends to stop people. Because the honest answer is, it doesn’t. At some point, someone has to go first in building trust.
I’ve seen this dynamic play out in teams, and I’ve been part of it myself.
There were times in my life when I didn’t speak up when I should have. I justified it, telling myself it wasn’t worth the disruption or that someone else would handle it. What I didn’t fully appreciate at the time was that my silence was contributing to the very issues I found frustrating.
Building trust as the foundation
Realizing that my silence was contributing to a lack of trust within the team was a turning point for me. Being a good team member isn’t about avoiding discomfort. It’s about stepping into the thick of it and building the trust needed for deeper conversations.
Being a good team member isn’t about waiting for the environment to be perfect.
It’s about choosing behaviors that create the environment:
- Speaking up when something isn’t working
- Addressing issues directly, not around them
- Holding others accountable and being open to the same
- Extending trust before it’s guaranteed
Yes, those behaviors are uncomfortable. Without them, though, teams stall.
Starting with yourself
This is where self-awareness becomes critical.
Most people can point to what others on the team should do differently. Fewer can clearly see their own role in the dynamic.
That’s why I’ve developed a set of questions to help individuals step back and evaluate:
- How they show up on a team
- Where they may be holding back
- How they respond when things get difficult
Improving team performance doesn’t start with “fixing the team.” It starts with individuals asking: “How am I contributing to what’s working, and what’s not?”
If you’re curious how you show up as a team member, take our quiz asking just a few short questions. The questions are simple, but not always easy.